Why don't you like me, why don't you like me, why don't you walk out the door?

Alright. I have been trying to log into blogger for a week and a half without success. Here I am, over at Bec's house, saying no more! No more blogger!

So, I have decided to do a daily email. Or mostly daily email. This is really for the best, as I have lately felt like I'm giving too much information to whomever wants to read it. If you know my email already, simply email me that you would like to be on the list. If you don't know it, take a wild guess about my new gmail account. And, please, don't put anything telling in a comment. That's just annoying.

Song: This is a little ditty from Mika, whom I tried hard not to like, but now love. Love, love, love.

There's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

Bec recently described me to someone as a "bulldog". (Funny that she tells me these things.) I fight for the change I believe in. I fight for the people I love. I'm a Scorpio. People should know better than to poke at me.

Song: Stacy Orrico.

Joyful music leads us sunward

The Nuschler spent the weekend trying to remove his eye with his paws, so he's at the vet today, on an emergency visit. We didn't have an appointment, so he is there to get checked out whenever they can fit him in. So here I sit, wondering if he will need surgery, or a contact lens, or a cone around his neck.

Nuschler loves the vet. There's so much to smell, so many animals to meet and people to greet. Husbando brought him there this morning, where he tried to jump up on the high reception counter as usual. I'm told there are some dogs who hate going to the vet. Nusch will let them do anything to him so long as he gets a treat after.

The house is just so quiet without him...

Song: We sang "Joyful, joyful we adore thee" last night. Someone once told me that Beethoven is a difficult composer to appreciate. For a job in college, I had to fill out a dull application. For the "Why would you be a good...?" as answered "I am not afraid of Beethoven". Somehow that got me the job...

UPDATE: Nuschler had an abscess under his eye, most likely from fighting with another dog, probably my FIL's Gunner. Thus, for this week, I will rename Nuschler Tyler Durden. "I am Jack's abscessed eye..."

It's time to find a better place to hide

Sus and le Bec are off running with teenagers while I sit here, happily stewing in my solitude with my ickpod, relishing in the sleep that is to come free from giggles through the wall. My mind wanders from subject to subject, wondering what you'd like to read about, what I'd like to share with you.

It's unfortunate that I can't read your mind nor can I tell you all my secrets.

I can tell you that, though I dropped a friend off at the proverbial bus stop weeks ago, I am starting to feel something real about it. Not regret. I'm thinking it's defeat. Like I couldn't make it work, I couldn't stop feeling pissed off/abused around her. There must be a balance between running from negative influences and being there for people in their times of drama. I get to choose that balance point, don't I...

It's still St. Patrick's Day for another hour or so. I have celebrated this occasion twice with two shamrock shakes. I usually wait until it is too late and they have run out of syrup. Not this year. My Norwegian/Swedish self sucked it up Irish style! hehehe.

Oh, I saw this on a bumper sticker, "If you can read this, thank a teacher. If it is in english, thank a vet." Um... Irony? Since when do we not cap English?

Song: This is from the Foo Fighters, which is equally ironic. I will not try to downplay Kurt's genius, just suggest that he was not the only talent in Nirvana.

She's like the wind

Once a week I rush to a yoga class, running past all the people who work out as a religion and don't mind being naked in a public locker room. I guess I was raised that we have bodies so that we have a place to put our brains, so I was never that athletic. I have muscles, though I very strategically hide them under layers of chocolate-induced fat.

So I go to yoga, a discipline that is really great about acceptance at wherever you are in the practice. There's a good balance of experience in the class, from those who have done this for decades to those who topple over a lot. I'm in the middle, towards the toppling part of the spectrum.

I try to eat long before class so that I can get through it without interruption. But, alas, today I was concentrating so diligently on getting a pose correct that I let one go. Loudly. For the whole class to hear (but not smell, thankfully). I was giggling, beet-red, mortified.

This is why I don't like working out in public. I see women in cute little outfits, perfect hair and makeup, like it's supposed to be a refined outing. But I know me. I know that, with all that movement, I will be gaseous, sweaty and stinky.

Nuschler is the only one I want to share this with. He understands since, though he is unable to sweat, he is usually gaseous and prefers to be stinky.

Song: This is from Dirty Dancing, a movie that Bec and I conned our parents into letting us go to. There is a sad remake of it on the radio at the moment. It's not Patrick Sway-Z so what's the point?

Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall

Oy with the bullet points already!!

• I'm feeling such pride. le Bec's recent post featuring mention of not only my puppy but my husband makes me so happy. I think Bec has the same kind of relationship with Punky as with Nuschler: She's not sure how to react to him and he does his best to pester her. And I watch. Amused.
• I'm also proud of my friend, Samurai Bob, and his recent trip to Chicago with two hot chicks for Spring Break, as feature on Sus' blog.
• Last week I spent an hour carving a dangerous route to my side door through endless feet of snow. The entire deck was covered and I had to work at opening the door. This morning, I opened the door and the deck is feel of snow. Amazing.
• I started a new book last night and was immediately hooked. I love that! I am the queen of reading only three pages and then moving the book to different locations of my house waiting for the guilt to subside before I return it to its owner or sell it. And if it has that big "O" on the cover, forgetaboutit. I like books/music/movies as ant-depressants, not downers.
• Song: This is from Regina Spektor, a very upbeat song about infidelity. I've been perfecting it in my home studio, which is a rapidly disintegrating plastic box Punky has the nerve to call a shower. We all have to be a rock star somewhere.

Nothing can hold you back if you really want it

I love the ambiguity of March. March oscillates so quickly between winter and spring without apology. March is the wild child of the calendar months.

Nuschler and I took our walk today, as I so enjoyed the passed out puppy state he was in yesterday, lounging around outside like he was drugged. It is easy for him to dress for this kind of weather, being both furry for the cold and water-proof for the miniature lakes, streams and glaciers covering the park. There's even patches of grass.

We both came home soaked. I was running through the snow (quite a workout really) and trudging through deep waters (it only looks like a snow bank on the surface). I was waiting for someone to pop their head out of a nearby house and tell me to stop playing in the puddles.

Nope. It's way too much fun! Plus, I do my own laundry...

Song: This is classic Ricky Martin, which I dedicate to all of us out there still listening too much to those who would hold us down.

Hearts ablaze are our only ray of light

There was a perfect moment yesterday. I was in the car with my brown-eyed boys (Punky and the Nuschler of course), listening to my music, the sun through the sun roof warm on my face on a lazy Saturday car ride. Punky smiled at me and that was it: Perfection.

There was a cool moment this morning too. I have problems thinking of God as a specific gender (could be the dumb boy who stalked me or the stupid male bosses who tried so damn hard to rip my humanity away from me - dunno). Thus I makes things neutral in the ways I pray and sing in the crowd. Usually I sing my gender neutral words quietly, perhaps not to rock the boat anymore than I already do.

But today I was next to le Bec, who sings the same. And, together, we both sang out loud the words of our preference and, in that perfect moment I thought, "Hmm.. We could take over the world..."

Song: I've been looking for new artists to fall madly in love with. This is from the Watson Twins, which remind me of Bec and I singing at our grandmother's church on Christmas Eve, only we were nervous and, thankfully, unrecorded. Very melodic.

I need inspiration, not just another negociation

[I enjoy making criminal poetry with random words from people. Special thanks to le Bec and the Sas.]

you can dance at the top of your lungs
(like you mean it, like you can feel it on the inside)
you can play soccer with your food
you can plant petunias in your bathroom
you can drizzle chocolate sauce on your spaghetti
(it's better that way)
you can meow at your lover
(make everything five times louder)
you can let your abnormal thoughts shimmer in your head while you smile
and nod and pretend to be normal
(it is your life)

Song: More joy from Music & Lyrics.

Crazy go I if care don't I

I was never any good at proofs in geometry as I always forgot the mundane statements in the middle. It felt like pointing out the obvious. But they don't call it proof for nothing.

I haven't blogged about my job search for a long time because it is a sore spot. I'm being called picky, which, yeah, I am. I would be terrible at following orders all day. I need to give input and take ownership of what I am doing. It angers me that I have all this education and am now over-qualified for most everything out there. What I am qualified for sounds kinda boring and gross (involves suiting up and heading into the sewer on occasion).

I know that I am capable of great things. Now I just have to figure out how to right out the proof.

Song: It took some time for me to figure out how to do the backwards correctly cuz my brain naturally messes things up.

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow? What do you do with the left-over you?

One of the benefits of le Bec being in covenant discipleship is that I can sponge up the basic concepts without the weekly commitment, cuz, let's face it, I have major commitment issues. (Punky has only made it this far because he knows when to say sorry.)

One focus is on spiritual promptings, or what is my gut telling me. Today, I had a window of opportunity to either go home and chill or get groceries. Snow was starting to fall, so I was concerned about procrastinating until after my next appointment to get to the store. And I needed coffee. Thus, I went to the store. I felt compelled to go there.

As I was racing through, I ran into the friend of mine who had me watch her kids while she delivered her third daughter. She was there with the baby and my 5-year-old twin, Gil. We had a great, short visit there in the seasonal aisle, but I noticed something about Gil.

When I was five, I experienced the quantum leap of going from the baby of the family to the middle child. I still probably need therapy from that. And I could see it in Gil's eyes: I used to get away with murder and now I gotta be some kind of role model.

Don't worry kid. The new youngest will get away with murder, you will take the fall, but, in her eyes, you will always be a rock star.

Song: From Tegan and Sara on the Grey's Anatomy cd. I've been hearing the term "heart-broken" a lot. What kinda prompt is that?

Pop goes my heart.

I've been having technical problems logging on, writing posts, making comments for about 24 hours now. Very suspect.

I'm on a watch list somewhere I just know it.

Therefore, eight posts have flown through my brain and now I sit here, perfectly capable of blogging, with nothing but frustration to talk about.

My neighbor's son blew her snow onto the one door in the house that we use to lock things up. I suppose she is in her eighties and can do as she pleases, but I spent an hour making a scary little path through there, then more time redoing her driveway. There is now a little ledge several feet off the ground that makes me feel like I am on my way to throwing bling into Mt. Doom. That would make Nuschler Samwise. (There was a precious moment when I could just see one of his eyes peeking over the snowbank to watch me. So cute.)

My other neighbor's son blew the snowplow blockade from my driveway on Sunday after watching my sad attempt to work it over with a metal shovel. There really are some awesome twenty-somethings out there after all.

By the way, mark your calendar for June 24, when I will be preaching at church for the first time. I will look to you for a sermon subject (though I will most likely use a lyric for the title). I was thinking something about using science terms to talk about our church. What do you think?

Song: This is from Music & Lyrics, which I laughed my way through this weekend. This song in particular has been stuck in my head as it is totally 80's with a fantastic, equally 80's-esque video. Ah, those were the days...

We're all in this together

There are a few theories in science that I love more than others. I love the idea of entropy, of the world tending towards chaos regardless of your actions. I love using the laws of thermodynamics, cuz not being able to create or destroy matter/energy is a good reason to take life a little slower.

Then there's evolution.

I've been thinking about a few little kids in my life. They all seem way frickin' smart. I don't have any statistics on this, but perhaps humans are evolving and we only know how to define it, label it in terms of things that are wrong, like ADD.

A mom I know was told that her child needs to figure out how to follow rules and stand in line better, as well as a host of other conformities, as per the guidelines of the government. And I'm all for not leaving any child behind, but are these definitions, these labels, ultimately attempting to hold back evolution?

I think I better get out of the house tomorrow...

Song: From a cheestastic tv movie High School Musical. Yeah, I am, personally, not a sign of evolution...

My love don't cost a thing

This blizzard is comical only cuz I don't have anywhere pressing to go.

I think there is something innately in us that needs to nest when the weather shuts us in. I feel the need to dust, sweep, bake, darn socks and sort. If I'm stuck here, then here had better be clean and stocked with good eats.

Yesterday, I got all sorts of lovely French and British things from le Bec (Thanks!), including two gorgeous scarves. I request scarves a lot when I have people willing to buy me things in foreign countries. For one, there is no sizing involved and they are very versatile. In college, two friends of mine went on separate trips to Italy. One came back with a beautiful green and red scarf, which I wear often.

The other came back with a forest green and mustard scarf.

Still trying to figure that one out. I would be frightened that she looked at this scarf and thought of my tastes, but I have convinced myself that it is a reflection more on her tastes than mine.

Oh, le Bec also bought herself the most beautiful earrings that I believe are crystal replicas of some crown jewels. I promise you that I am not much of a girly girl, but I am a jewelry junkie to the core!

Song: J.Lo. Just cuz.