What have I done to deserve this?

I've been trying to figure out why I feel so behind, why June 15 seems so scary to me. Looking at the last three weeks, I realize that I haven't felt well for awhile.

As a scientist, I am a fan of the definitive answer. I like a yes or a no. Show me the evidence and let me come up with an answer. For the last few years, however, I have become less definitive. Some may say this is part of the maturing process, seeing things from multiple angles and weighing each point of view. Too much of this, however, distracts me from goals and a healthy balance.

I was driven in science by the desire to not let anyone know how little I understood any of it. Now I avoid my drive for fear that it will take me in yet another wrong direction. And while I do believe that life does not take you where you want to go but rather where you need to be, it's hard to accept sometimes.

So I guess my question is: Where is the balance? How do you get there?

I'm going for my second yoga class today. It royally kicked my butt last week. I was actually much more flexible than I thought I would be.

ps. Just got off the phone, where I was reminded that I have thrown my life away. Why do I answer the phone?