Far from sleep

I had the sudden need for Tori. I forget about my friends Tori, Ani, Dar, Fiona. They got me through the hardest time of my life so listening to them brings back the anger, the fear, the paranoia. Everyone once in a while I go back to marinate in those feelings, remember to be thankful for life, grateful for friends, thrilled to no end that I found a man to love with every fiber of my being for the rest of my life.

I need Tori's "China" on occasion. I love thinking about the space between people. There's sitting very close to someone, touching even, who is mostly a stranger to you. This shouldn't be an issue, but my mind runs anyway. Is she/he uncomfortable? Am I? If I'm not, is that strange? Does that mean something?

I remember in college writing poetry about the electricity between people who aren't touching, when you yearn for someone so much you can feel it on every inch of skin close to him/her. Someone in my class did not understand what I meant, which made me sad for him.

Then there is the space of anger, of unsaid thoughts and feelings. It's easy to forget how large our country is. You can fly across it in a matter of hours, ship anything overnight, have a four-way conference call with both borders and coasts. But taking into consideration the anger, the silent voices of poverty, the clashing points of view, even the dramatic difference in weather, and our country is suddenly enormous.

The beauty of this space is that one voice can shorten it. Because one voice is never alone for long.